Loving Boundaries
Photo by Daniel Chekalov on Unsplash
Are you consistently saying yes to things you want to say no to? Or, are you not even sure how you feel and auto pilot takes over? Well…your body knows. A “no” feels like constriction and may be accompanied by shallow breathing. You will probably feel a vague sense of unease when you are in the situation or just thinking about it.
What is showing up for me right now is the importance of boundaries and self love. This theme has been presenting itself over the last several months in different variations. It seems I am being tested in diplomatically walking the tight rope between honoring self and meeting the needs of others.
Boundaries allow me to love me and you at the same time.
It is amazingly hard for empaths to say no when someone you love or even a casual acquaintance asks you for something. Whether it is doing something for a family member or a volunteer job for an organization. There is often guilt associated with saying no. There is deep programming in our society that says that you shouldn’t be selfish and that doing for family members or co-workers is more important than your own happiness. There is often childhood wounding that causes us to discount ourselves for the sake of others.
In the Emotional Quotient sphere (EQ) of my Gene Keys, I have the Shadow of ‘Exhaustion’ , the Gift of ‘Resolve’ and the Siddhi (exalted state) of ‘Divine Will’. This is the emotional programming that was specifically laid down for me during ages 7-14. In reviewing it recently, I was reminded of the law of conservation of energy. When using willpower that is not in alignment with the natural flow of the universe, you may use up personal Chi (often showing up in time and money) causing exhaustion. This happens when you force a situation or you allow others to take your energy by forcing their will. This often happens when your boundaries are not strong, or you are out of the flow of the natural order of things. This also occurs in co-dependent relationships where neither person is using energy in their highest alignment according to their unique soul blueprint.
Much of the time we exhaust ourselves through being a martyr. (See blog: “If Love Is the Answer, Why Do I Feel So Depleted). Martyrdom is often a product of our wounding and needing to be loved… feeling like we need to work for what is naturally unconditional. Often we are just trying to be a good person and don’t even realize we are doing this.
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated” -Brené Brown
Also, if we lack self-respect or self love this can be used expertly by others through emotional manipulation. When someone crosses your boundaries it may be very innocent; however if it is a consistent issue, they may subconsciously feel that their needs are more important that yours. Much of the time the manipulator does not even know they are doing it.
“ When people feel unsafe and insecure in themselves they will easily resort to controlling and manipulating behaviors. Whatever you may be doing or responsibilities you may have, they assert that you need to focus on them and their issues, regardless of the cost it may incur." -ascensionglossary.com
Common ways to manipulate according to AscensionGlossary:
Lying
Guilt Trips
Being Vague to Confuse
Pretending to want to help
No Accountability
Doublespeak
Psychic Vampire
Gaslighting
Giving in to this manipulation, which is really someone using your energy (chi) for their benefit, does not serve either person. It is in fact parasitic. You become the savior and they become the victim. The only thing that is sustainable in natural organic law is a balance in giving and receiving. A win-win is possible and required for healthy relationships.
Ways to create a “Loving Fence” : (Nod to Will Ferrell in “Daddy’s Home” movie)
Clear and specific communication about your needs—what you will and will not tolerate
Consequences: Such as, “I can’t hang out with you if this continues to happen.”
Persistent: When you set a boundary you must hold firm. When you allow someone to cross a boundary, it is telling them that it is OK to disrespect you.
Communicate calmly and assertively
Source: psychcentral.com
In summary, in order to avoid the discomfort of allowing our boundaries to be crossed or inadverently crossing others, we must learn to “parent” ourselves. Our own higher aspect of self, filled with unlimited energy and wisdom, is waiting patiently for us to discover it and come “home” to our God-Self (Christ Consciousness). When we source our own energy and conserve it for our unique purpose in life, everyone benefits and humanity can become a functioning synarchy of co-creation in the highest good for all.
About the Author: Rebecca Paris, formerly Rebecca Becker, is a former advertising professional and VP of Marketing for United Way of Atlanta as well as an artist. She is the founder and Executive Director of Raising the Vibe, a 501 (C)(3) nonprofit, and is now offering her services as a one-on-one Gene Keys and Ascension Guide. In addition to blogging, Rebecca has authored the free Ebook, The Matrix Resurrections Unraveled, to unpack the nature of our reality exposed in this latest Matrix movie. Contact her through rebeccaparis.com to schedule a session or to purchase or commission a portrait or original art.